My kids are the cutest...

Their personalities lately have changed.  They are really starting to become their own individual.  I hope that made sense.  They crack me up.  Zac is definitely his dad's and Abby is definitely my girl.  They have been so good lately.  I think they understand that Shawn and I are going through a lot right now.  They wanted a little brother or sister, so they are sad about it too.

I imagine I feel it more than everyone else.  To me, once I tested positive, I had a connection to the baby.  Seeing the heartbeat made it even more real.  I've always felt bad for couples who've had miscarriages, but I did not comprehend the depth of their pain until now.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Before, I didn't see early pregnancy as really a baby.  I'm not sure that makes sense, but I'm not sure how to describe it at the moment.  Now I do see it as a baby.  It was alive inside of me growing with its own heartbeat.  It was real.  We lost our baby.

I read something that has helped me. Here it is: An unborn child is not only a fetus or a “piece of tissue” to God, but is one of His children. Jeremiah 1:5 says that God knows us while we are still in the womb.  Shawn and I have talked about it and we know our gummy bear looking baby is in Heaven.  I think I've finally accepted that this baby is gone.  It hasn't been easy.  I pray our relatives in Heaven are taking good care of our baby.

Night Everyone!

~Sam